People are consumed with the “IDEA” of being married, but it’s after the wedding ceremony, that “REALITY” begins to hit. The reality is that you and your spouse are totally different people and you’re like two pieces of a puzzle that DON’T FIT. What happens is God has to reshape some of the edges, do some filing, and possibly do some cutting off to make the puzzle pieces fit; it’s a Process. The problem is that most marriages don’t want to be processed, because it involves change in both spouses and change can be painful. In order to grow together as one, there must be change.

Many people come into the marriage with the stance, “What you see is what you get” or “Accept me, because this is the way I am.” Another reality check; Unfortunately, God typically puts a mate in your life as a direct confrontation to make you an even better person. If your spouse does not challenge you to become better, then does your spouse know their purpose in your life?

The Word of God says, “And the two shall become one flesh; so then they are no longer two, but one” Mark10:8. This indicates there is a process. You don’t just marry and automatically you’re instantly one. You must be willing to go through the process of becoming one. Once you accept this first reality, the work then really begins. The funny thing about this is the work and change starts with YOU. No matter how many problems or issues you may think your spouse has, remember God is ultimately working on YOU. If you remember this and focus on yourself, you will be surprised how quickly your spouse will begin to change. You see, because the two of you are tied together, no matter who changes first, the other will follow. Change begets change and the one with the most momentum will pull the other along. You are like two balls tied to a string; no matter the size of each ball, as they begin to roll and one gains momentum, the other will always follow. Understanding marriage means understanding change, and realizing that change first starts with YOU!

Another dynamic in marriage is ALL that comes along your spouse, their past, typically known as baggage; their past experiences, their expectations, their family, their friends, and their way of doing things. Sometimes spouses judge their significant other by what “they would do”, but your spouse is not you. They don’t look like you, they don’t talk like you, they don’t handle situations the way that you do, and they don’t always do what you think they should do. So understanding the differences and the make-up of the person and their past will help you adapt to the process of becoming one with your spouse.

Be aware that other forces are working against you and your spouse becoming one. Through division comes separation. Once you recognize the forces that are causing division and preventing oneness, you must eliminate or stand against them. So part of becoming one is by not allowing division to come in, but to focus on being one with your spouse in EVERYTHING.


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